Random 2016 Musings Left On The Cutting Room Floor (Part Deux)

If I ax a question… I expect an answer… Not the back story…  -Darrell E. Housey Jr.

Nipples in public are offensive…

I have heard it all… Two days in a row.. “You wanna sit?… I don’t like anyone standing in front of me”…. “Does this train go to Elephant Plaza?”

WH is responsible for “show me the receipts”… And “hell to the nawl”

It takes a lot to offend me…. But not really…

For clarity… Baltimore is not a part of “The DMV”… I repeat… Baltimore is NOT a part of “The DMV”… Check your local listings… I wanna say they are hooked up with Delmarva

Being passive aggressive or throwing shade doesn’t always work… Particularly when the person targeted isn’t bright enough to catch it…

Everybody wearing earbuds ain’t listening to music… Umm hunh.. #nastyass

Dang it!!! I slipped on a packet of catsup in Wholefoods. But my pride wouldn’t let me hit the floor… Damn.. Damn.. Damn!!

I have been living for 43.. Almost 44 years.. I have never once forgotten to eat.. Not once!!.. Who are these people!!….

The next time you stop speaking to someone… You might want to tell them… Chances are they aint thankin bout chu… Thus they won’t notice…

The time I just spent in the frozen foods section… Making life decisions… About ice cream… #mylife

“Yes.. No egg…. Because I’ve said nothing about an egg… You ma’am have inserted egg into this conversation… Would you like egg?”… *blank stare*

Adding to the list of trigger words…”No egg?”…If I don’t mention egg… I prolly don’t want.. Egg…

One thang I know fa sure… You will not git on this train before me… And I will set down… #metro101 #standbig #onouwont

After years of telling people to “Go ta hell!!..”… With the racial climate as it is…I am prepared to send them or take them myself if I have to…. They goin!!

Everybody I’ve run into since the election is upset… But somebody had to have voted for him… #letmefindout #somebodylyin #ifnotUwho #not2dolist

Where do the fatback that seem to always be on the stove come from?.. Is it brought in?.. Is it sold and packaged separately to pull out at any time ?… Is there a fatback fairy?? I’ve lived 44 years and I have never seen fatback cooked… #random

You know you old when you put candy in your pocket you know you not gon eat…

I enjoy pulling out coats from last season… Up to a pack of chewing gum, business cards, $20 and a pair of uneventful sunglasses. *screaming*… Big $.. Big $ No Wammies!! *crosses fingers*… Dear White Baby Jeddah wrapped in swaddling clothes… Please let me dig in a pocket soon and come back with at least one pair of dem misplaced Gucci sunglasses.. In yo name Jeddah….. Amen

#churchfvckery… It’s a thing

I don’t play a character on TV..Don’t make me remind you who I am…. -Darrell E. Housey Jr.

 

 

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Random 2016 Musings Left On The Cutting Room Floor (Part 1)

You have one time to look me dead in my face and not speak…. #youRDead2me

Did they every burry James Brown?

Some days you really should just stay in the house for your sanity and to protect others…

Sometimes my anointment scares me..

Open letter to FB: In 10 words or less.. Please explain to me why you thank I might know that person you suggested… Also.. Please provide the name of the connection associated with said person… Cuz they ghats ta go…

If you break your neck… Damn near push people down to board a train… I promise you I am goin to set right beside you… Irregardless of me passing several empty seats

I recently befriended someone who insists on greeting me via texts with.. WYD….. I voiced how annoying and problematic the action was yet it continued…. Eventually….All I could respond with was…. BYE…

If you know you have no intentions of going… Why you mad you ain’t get invited?

People don’t say excuse me anymore.. I’m sorry. Clarification… Most white people don’t say it…

Open letter to folk off train:  You not gon walk across the whole ghat damn platform…

I’m clearly not using the minutes on my text machine …. Can I trade them in for something?

If you ax me a question and I blatantly… Obviously ignore you… You will be better served to accept ignoration…

I must put this quote somewhere for later use…”Don’t let gentrification get you fucked up in here”

Don’t confuse friendship with people you’ve been acquainted with for a long time… – Darrell E. Housey Jr.

This is me pumping up the jams… *looks up Phyllis Hyman playlist*

You may not understand 2+2… But it will always be 4…Just because you missed the intended point of this thread doesn’t mean one wasn’t made… Reading is fundamental… Comprehension is key…

Random 2015 Musings Left On The Cutting Room Floor

Pretty sure the train operator just came for the citizens of the Good Green Line as we approached Anacostia station.. “Anacostia… Where most of you will be gettin off…”… That red call button was blocked… Lest I would have been able to holla…”Ya muvah gittin off!!”…. Da hell he talkin bout?!?… Train full of people comin from work… Clearly the majority ain’t headed to Anacostia..

Is there a silent U in “similar” that I continually forget to pronounce?

If ever you ask your friend about the specifics of their life.. And their response is “I put it on Facebook “… You two aren’t as close as you think.

Say yes to Jeddah… And yaaaes to style!!

Sometimes you jes have to go.. Or don’t… But don’t chu dare look sideways when the invite stops coming…. Umm hunh..

I love it when a co-worker mistakenly calls me “Jeff”… A fellow…”co-worker”… Their reaction is priceless…

Would’ve is a contraction for “Would have”…. “Would of”…. Sounds like the pronunciation of “would’ve” and likely used by people we finally ghat to stop sayin “conversate”

*deep sigh*…Don’t get me wrong.. I think she can sing.. I even enjoy her.. But the misappropriation of superlative adjectives by this country on this voice that would be considered just above mediocre if not for her hue has left me more than annoyed…. You know they have people who have a similar sound… Many actually… I dare say better… The jes don’t look like her… Umm hunh…

The time is now!!!….Turn your plakes over…Grab your rosaries…Drop to yo knees.. Molly.. We in danjah gur!!

If your project don’t show no sign of a Hammond or tambourine.. Is it really “gospel?l”

You really have to use disinfecting wipes… Lest they’ll become paper towels…’

I need a gun..

I declare.. Bananas are THE most hateful fruit.. I like them.. But theyoon’t like me… And I thought satan had me bound.. He ain’t got nuffin on deez nanas..

You all in my lane today dawtah… Was having dinner the other day with friends… A young… Obese lady almost went out of her way the entire time to keep chiming in…”Ioon eat dat… Ioon eat dat… Uggh.. Ioon eat dat”… It took all I had to not go…”We’ll.. Clearly.. You’ve been enjoying something!!”

Don’t take everything so personal… Everyone’s negative exchange with you may not even be about you… Get over yourself…#preachin2myself…

My Favorite Thangs 2015

santa

Release the reindeer!!… Rang dem bells!!!!.. It’s the most wonderful time of the year!!… Time for….

My Favorite Thangs!!


Sippin ain’t easy….But it shol is gittin bettah!!

At first glance… It’s a cup… But it’s so much more than that!!..Ok.. I’m overselling just a tad… But I’ve found this thing to be quite handy since it was gifted to me earlier this year… Insulated.. Double wall.. If I drank coffee it would keep it hot.. Most importantly.. It keeps my “cooling water”.. Cool… Yessuh!!…

Whensahnevah you find yourself at an all inclusive… You must travel with it..I found myself on the good Royal Caribbean a few months back… Me and my new BFF “Red” put a hurtin on that drankin pass…

It’s the perfect size for your cup holder for road trips.. Hell.. Even if you just making a few pit stops… 20oz on the go has never been easier…I also suggest picking up a few extra.. You know… For your road dawg…Or for that friends house you frequent often.. It only makes sense to optimize your sipping moments and this cup will certainly do that.

20_oz__Tumbler__91988_1393192713_500_659

http://redcupliving.com/20-oz-insulated-tumbler/

Jilly.. From Philly..In the DMV

woman-album

If you like/or are into Jill… It was a good show… Even if you aren’t… It was still a great night of really good music..I mean.. I like Jill enough.. I have since the first time I heard her on WHUR in 2000 and I literally axed… “Who is Jill Scott?…”…. She’s an amazing writer… Has a great catalog of music.. But for me she’s a mediocre singer… Her show was almost void of any excitement or entertainment other than the nostalgia it induced and the continued killing of the timbales by the percussionist.. She hit most if not all of the expected titles…Opened up with one of my favorites as a matter of fact.. “Gimme”.. That joint goes awwf!!.. She did a few from the new project which I had never heard before..Yet oddly sounded very familiar.. “You don’t know” and “Back together” were both stand outs.. They both have slow grooves.. That puts Jill in the pocket… And a vamp that is straight church.. Makes you want to riff on that thang bad.. And her background.. The Pipes did just that.. I typically don’t care for all male BGV.. But they did their thing…Another highlight for me was “It’s love”.. Jill knows she bet not come up and through the DMV without hitting it.. However, I noticed a lot of people not even effected by it…Clearly they must not have been from the urrea.. I can’t imagine anybody from the DMV being a witness to that song live and not moving.. Even my anti-gogo tail got on 2’s when that came up…A rather interesting twist was her encore.. Instead of some recognizable upbeat number she opted for a Gregorian chant like outtro…. It was heavy organ with her repeatedly singing a high note and modulating… She even encouraged the audience to sing along.. Which of course I did..I love the high note!!… I liked it…Still a very weird exit though…

All and all it was a good show… Jill Scott has THE most pleasant spirt…Even on the lawn miles away I could still feel her smile….. And she looked amazing..I enjoyed how Jill gave new life to old music without bastardizing it and making it unrecognizable… Familiar melodies were coupled with new arrangements and I was very well pleased.. I just found myself bored (I hate that word) at certain points…. I think I’m over her narrative.. I won’t go so far to say that it has become trite.. I just don’t need to hear that much of it anymore… Well written poems.. Set to music.. I’m good.. Thanks!!

Top 5 Tuesday – Debut R&B Project

Kelly Price – Soul of a Woman

kelly-price-soul-of-woman

I remember exactly where I was the first time I heard the lead single “Friend of Mine”… I was on 295 headed home and by time she got to hollerin “How could you do it” I just about lost control of the car goin round the bend… Kelly Price was my kind of singer… Just hollerin… For no good reason… Debut project didn’t let me down… A perfect introduction to the woman that would become one my favorite female singers..

Brian McKnight – Brian McKnight

Brian_McKnight_-_Brian_McKnight

There is nothing quite like a sangin man.. Who sounds like a woman… Brian McKnight screams bad.. I knew out the gate when I heard “Is this the way love goes” that he was something special.. That notion was cemented when I saw him perform at a homecoming concert at the University of Maryland to a crowd who barely knew his name..He did the entire CD.. From top to bottom.. Standing in front of a keyboard…I was sold!!

Lauryn Hill – The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill

LaurynHillTheMiseducationofLaurynHillalbumcover

 Instant classic… She should have just retired after its release because there was just gonna be no topping it.. Well.. Didn’t she kinda do that?… *scratches head*… But I digress… Her beautiful tone was captured on equally beautiful and well written songs (by who is debatable) that are just timeless… If you’re gonna have just one project… This would be the one to have!

Donnie – The Colored Section

Donnie

 Arguably THE best Most underrated debut male R&B project.. EVER!!… His voice is like bacon.. It makes everything better…  How this project flew under the radar is beyond me… Solid project from top to bottom that is still in rotation in my music library…. Amazing voice… Incredible mix of timeless songs… You can’t ask for more…

John Legend – Get Lifted

john legend

 John Legend is just the truth… This may have been a debut project but he certainly wasn’t new to the game… I had been introduced to him years before via two independent releases so I knew exactly what to expect… The project is just R&B perfection… He’s stays true to the genre while still managing to be mainstream (Pop).. To this day “Live it up” is still my mantra…

Beam Me Up, Scotty

Hol lup..

So Leonard Nimoy passes on Friday… And is in the ground on Sunday.. And people are mad at William Shatner?… Come on now.. He was probably thankin… It’s gon take at least a day for everybody to get to the house.. A couple days to round up and go through the pictures…Set Shiva…Make sure that policy right… Decide on colors… Who AIN’T gon sang… Get everybody to the left coast.. Do we really need 5 limos ?(That’s another $300 per).. Can’t nobody find Uncle Ron…And look for the imaginary $ he no doubt left behind in the house… He was thankin mid- late March @ earliest… 2 days?.. Are we sure he was even gone?.. I’ve had naps that have gone about that long..

RIP Mr. Nimoy

Nimoy

Texters Thumb.. It’s a thing..

Several months ago I noticed a pain in my left hand… It was in my lower thumb… To about my wrist… Didn’t pay much attention to it at first but it became more pronounced over the next few weeks..  Especially when I moved my thumb from left to right… A lil uncomfortable… Yet tolerable… More and more time goes by and uncomfortable is giving… I’m still here… I hate going to the Dr. and figured I’d make an appointment if I woke up one morning and my thumb was resting by itself on my good memory foam & hydraluxe cooling bed pillow.. Well that never happened but the pain had become so intense that my left hand was about inoperable… It was too week to pick up anything with weight to it and I was walking around lookin like John McCain with a gimpy hand and I knew I would soon have to pay someone a visit.

But what’s really goin on here?.. What has caused this?… I thought to myself…. Not even a few moments later I go to return a text and… OUCH!!… For real?!.. I go to text and I’m paining?….Lawd to Jeddah!!… I ghats texters thumb!!….

I received several giggles from friends over the next few weeks who were aware of my condition… “You ghat what?” they would say…. Texters Thumb!!… To which they would reply…”Taint no sucha thang”…

Cut to me goin to my Ortho a little over a month ago and he asks me what the problem is…. I fill him in on the events of the past few months and tell him…”I’m pretty sure I have Texters Thumb “… He proceeds to ask if I felt discomfort here… Did it hurt here… But he totally didn’t bat an eye at my texters thumb reference… Ehh??… He goes on to say that I’ve self-diagnosed pretty accurately…. Texters thumb… Also known as De Quervain Syndrome.  It’s associated with the tendons connected to the thumb through the wrist….Well get out of here!!  Normally he’d give me a shot of something or another but with the amount of pain I was in I probably would have hit the roof… Sir… You stick me with a needle… I’m likely to hit you…. So anti-inflammatory and a brace isolating my thumb would be the plan of attack…. For over a month now I’ve been wearing this brace on my left hand and it appears to have helped… Slightly…. I’m hardly back to normal… I don’t have the usual strength in my hand.. And it appears to have moved from my upper hand down to my wrist…. I can’t win for losing… And what makes this even weirder is that I’m right handed!!!… Yeah I might double thumb it sometimes…. But for the most part it’s me and this right thumb…

Thumb

All that said to say.. I didn’t realize I was doing THAT much texting…. Which means it’s only a matter of time before some of you others go down… Be warned… Text with caution…

My President Reads For Filth…

“Shade comes from reading.. Reading came first… Reading is the real art form of insult…”- Dorian Corey Obama Smirk

I’m not much of a political person…I don’t find it enjoyable to sit through a speech with a bunch a people with less than pleasant faces looking annoyed by what someone is saying.. I’d rather catch the highlights in the morning… Yet I do make the effort as a concerned citizen to check in to see what’s really goin on.. Besides.. MO is going to be there.. She is sure to give me something.. Surely she did.. But it was her husband…President Barack Obama who gave me everything I needed last night…

Flipping back and forth to the State of the Union address last night I tuned in at just the right time.. . The President of these here United States reminded a few people.. Don’t come for me unless I send for you.. I’m a black man.. From Chicago… I will get you together…And O Gawd did he?!?!

A very heart felt statement of “ I have no more campaigns to run…” was met with cheers and applause by several people… I mean… These people don’t even make an effort to hide their disdain and how much they just want him out of there..It’s very personal.. .My President… Who surely knows.. You don’t come for the person with the only mic.. Didn’t miss a beat..Let’s analyze what really went down in the House Chamber on last night..

After the inappropriate applause… Thinking they were being cute and funny.. When actually they were quite disrespectful yet again.. But I digress.. President Obama gives a smirk.. In his head he’s going.. “Oh.. They tried it….”.. “But I ghat something for you.. “… He slyly says..“I know cuz I won both of em”.. His tone.. Facial expression and delivery were perfection.. Totally said “Sat down”.. *That ain’t really what it said but I don’t want to offend some saints*… Then he puts the icing on the cake by going back to straight face like.. “Did I say something?”.. Shout out to motha who clearly forgot where she was and hollad bad…

Major props to President Barack Obama for his “You gon learn today.. State of the Union edition”